What we have learnt about Vietnam

We thought it would be nice if we shared a few of the things we have learnt since we have been here:
1. It's hot
2. The sun burns
3. It is even hotter on a pushbike on the bitumen
4. Always take water and a washer to wipe off the sweat
5. Sweat in your eyes while you are riding a bike stings
6. Don't let anyone write numbers on your bike seat - this means you have to pay to park it anywhere
7. There are no roads rules or a right an wrong side of the road
8. Honking the horn doesn't mean you are horny - it means get out of the road coz here I come
9. All GOOD restaurants have cats to keep the rats down
10. Buy your own chopsticks and carry them with you - you never know when you might need them
11. Always ask for ice otherwise you get a hot drink
12. Toast is a french bread stick
13. If you order fried rice and egg expect rice and egg - no vegies
14. Don't order pork spare ribs
15. Don't order fried eggs
16. Rambutans are nice
17. Booee is horrible
18. Only buy meat that has flies on it - no flies - no good
19. You can shop at the markets even when it is flooding - just wear gumboots
20. It's OK to throw your rubbish in the gutter - someone sweeps it into a neat pile for the garbage collectors - you will do someone out of a job otherwise
21. If they don't have it they will get it for you - maybe take just a coule of minutes on a motorbike
22. Flies have red noses like Rudolph
23. Dragon flies means it will rain - the lower they are to the ground the more rain
24. Saying "Am oi!!" -( Hey you ) is not rude
25. Yes means yes, yes means no, yes means I don't know
26. Right is left and left is right
27. Never take directions from people laughing at you
28. NEVER get in a yellow taxi
29 Learn that "Chum!!" means SLOW
30. Cockraoches in kitchen cupboards are acceptable
31. Rats are nothing to be concerned about even in a restaurant
32. Water pipes must be bad - 21 litres of water costs 50 c AUD - we got ripped off the first time and paid $4
33. You have to be here a while to get local prices but we still not get local local prices you have to be Vietnamese for that
34. The coffee gives you hairy chest
35. Bikini wax is done with sticky tape - honestly, this is true!!
36. Garbage trucks play "Happy Birthday" when reversing
37. It only takes one year to study to be a vet
38. Doctors can buy their qualifications and lots do
40. It only takes one year to study to be a Physiotherapist
41. Bribes are acceptable
42. Do not expect anything you buy to work
43. Deodorant contains bleach = hairy white armpits
44. Shampoo and conditioner contain bleach
45. Washing detergent contains bleach
46. It is acceptable for the dog or cat to live in the kitchen - plus any offspring
47. Paraplegic kittens are everywhere
48. Logic doesn't help - seriously ......... comonsense is not common
49. You can wear your PJ's anytime anywhere even to formal occassions
50. Most young people don't know how to get pregnant
51. Most young girls don't know when they are pregnant
52. Sex education classes consist of a penis in a banana skin
53. Linen stretches and stretches the more you wear it
54. A cow lying unconscious in the middle of the road doesn't mean it is dead - just resting
55. Just because you are wearing sunglasses and a hat or have a raincoat or umbrella doesn't mean you don't want to buy more.
56. If the boom gate at a railway crossing isn't working, find 6 men to carry it away
57. Demolition of buildings requires 6 men and a rope - doesn't have to be a long one
58. The Metro store in Danang sells EVERYTHING - from cat food to computer equipment
59. Morning Glory is something green that you eat
60. "Come on" means "Thank you"
61. Never go outside between 10.30 and 3.30 when it is hot
62. Always look out the side window in a car/ taxi never out the front
63. Always expect the unexpected
64. Just because a road has been dug up for repairs doesn't mean you can't drive on (in) it
65. It is OK to drive over rice drying on the road - where esle could you go?
66. If it is raining you don't have to be anywhere - even work
67. You can carry ANYTHING on a motorbike or pushbike - even coffins
68. Only westerners sweat
69. Haven't found out about this one yet
70. The programmes on the Australia channel are years old
71. Teeth and mouth are hard words to say if you are Vietnamese
72. There are no top sheets on beds
73. There is no fresh milk - only soy and condensed
74. Insect repellant with DEET removes nail polish
75. Only Australians wear pushbike helmets and are something to be laughed at
76. Hand signals or blinkers are not required - everyone knows where you are going
77. Avoid the metre of sand on the roadside - unlees there is a big bus or truck coming
78. Side mirrors on a pushbike let you see how big the vehicle is behind you that is honking
79. NEVER get in a yellow taxi (I know I have said it before, just reiterating)
80. NEVER get in a yellow taxi
81. Seatbelts in cars don't always work even when you can find them
82. You may have to pay tax on anything you send here if you can buy it here
83. Don't drink too much coke not matter how hot and thirsty you are - it keeps you awake
84. Salt is pink and comes in a small dish
85. Coffee comes with it's own drip filter - real stainless steel
86. Coat hangers for skirts are coat hangers with pegs
87. All laundry is hand washed
88. The ironing board plugs into the power point and the iron plugs into the ironing board
89. It is OK to wear a jacket, long gloves and long socks even when it is 50 degrees and the humidity is 200%
90. Cheese is called "Laughing Cow" - we think the joke is on us, not the cow
91. You can order Sauteeed garlic and vegetables
92. Do not order garlic bread at Treats - it's not a treat by any means
93. Always get desert at the Cargo Club
94. Fishing boats are huge round cane woven fruit baskets that appear to float
95. Dogs and cats eat rice too
96. If a power point is hanging out of the wall it doesn't mean it doesn't work
97. NEVER get in a yellow taxi
98. Viettel SIM cards only work in Saigon - buy Vina
99. Never sit in the middle row on a Jetstar flight if you want to eat or watch a DVD - or row 4 for that matter
100. We are sooks !!! - NEVER get in a yellow taxi !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!